Saturday, June 22, 2002

not to the scalp

God, some days just make me so happy to be alive, to be here breathing and sweating, releasing fluids from my body - my body, being the smart thing it is, does this to make me cool and comfortable, on wonderfully warm days like this one, when waves of heat ripple in the air making the sky an indisciminate shade of blueblahgray. You can see the hottness, can feel it on your exposed skin, can feel it even more on the nonexposed skin, and it makes you want to melt. But not like the Wicked Witch of [whichever direction it was] that melted in a bubbly, painful scream of not wanting to die. But melting in the sense where you could never die, where your body is no longer a seperate entity; no longer capable of self-aggrandizing thoughts (which really, is any type of thought) that make you an individual - you become the heat, another ripple in the sky, every ripple in the sky. Heat does something to the brain, fries it, burns everything bad about us - none of this purifying with water nonsense, but with the other element: fucking fire. Burn the shit down to the ground, to fucking ashes that we will scatter from rooftops like confetti, celebrating the sun, the flames, ourselves, and our deaths. Just a big rolling mass of energy, flowing and flowing like the sweat under our arms, spreading ourselves, melting into our t-shirts, sometimes even leaving stains that show the process of intergration, that something wonderful happened here. Right here.

Here in this little midwestern town of Madison, but also where you are. You had a fucking wonderful day, too. And you thought that you never wanted your mom to die because then we would all die. Hold the line, don't let anyone pass, or else we're all fucked. When one person we know dies, our death is suddenly eminent. And so, feeling so wonderful out in the beautiful weather, you wanted to feel that heat stupor for eternity, praying for an endless summer - I wanted to cling to each leave I yanked from trees I walked under, to hold them forever.

---Bonnie and her sister have come in, and so it's time to bring this to a close, but in other news: I shaved my head today, let it all go, set my head free, made myself clean to go with the purifying heat. And, the weather and the new haircut, the feeling that I was wearing a wig made me really confident and able, talked to Subway boy and random people sitting on their stoop, and sang out loud to that song that starts out "When the lights go down in the city..."

That song is the motherfucking jam. Buzz is my favorite station of all time, perhaps.

No comments:

Post a Comment