Sunday, June 30, 2002

we are 70% water

There are four things here that need be mentioned. But we could ignore those and tell you that my senses are exhausted - that I have pushed myself to the max today and liked the rush of emotional living/being, thinking it may even be something I like.

1.) I just ate a cold slice of pineapple pizza, but picked off all the pineapple pieces because pineapple does not belong on pizza. It just does not. A simple fact of life.

2.) We're free, free, free. Tracey Chapman just told me to say that. But, this too (our freedom), is another fact of life. This is track #3 on Bonnie's copy of Crossroads, and Chapman sings, "Everybody sing: We're free, free, free." Perhaps, being a smartass, you are now thinking: Well, if someone told you to jump off a bridge, would you do that? And we will answer that question in due time, but the answer is irrelevant to this instance because we are free, free, free. It is something I believe, and something I make reality by singing it. You should sing it too, make it your reality. "Let us all be free." With the finite medium of language, create some idea of infinity, of freedom. Say the words. Incant them.

3.) This is slighlty related to the jumping off the bridge thing. Today, I thought a lot about swimming, and staying underwater, and how much I wanted to be underwater. I really love being underwater; there is something liberating and even a little religious about the water and submerging yourself in it, cutting yourself off from the world we live in, holding your breath for as long as possible, trying your damnedest to stay down there. This was sort of provoked by me thinking about how I love underwater pool scenes in movies, and trying to come up with a unified theory about what underwater scenes in movies mean. First off, there is The Graduate, which uses underwater scenes more deftly than any other film. I pictured Dustin Hoffman sitting in that silly scuba suit in the bottom of the backyard pool, suburban isolation made absurd, also dealing with issues of escapism, perhaps even the ability to trascend our perhaps dull existences with water. Next up, there is Being John Malcovich, with the last scene being beyond cool, showing the kid swimming through the pool, showing the birth of all us of, and how weird this process of life is. The other one I thought of wasBoogie Nights, when Dirk Diggler cannonballs into the pool, mirroring his descent into the world of porn that soon follows. Mainly, I just thought of this one because I like picturing Mark Wahlberg half-naked and all wet. Anyways, I came up with no unified theory of the significance of pools in American cinema, but did decide that yes, I might jump off a bridge - that if I had to pick a way to die (other than of natural causes, obviously), I would choose drowning. There is something utterly magical about being underwater.

4.) I have not updated here in a while, this is because I'm conducting a little experiment somewhere else, but I will start updating here again I think. News from the past week that has gone unreported here: still jobless, kissed a really hot boy, Eric, for some reason didn't sleep with him that night, let him give me a grand tour of Madison the next day, where I decided that he was kind of lame, also decided that I am in love with his best friend, Justin, the most beautiful boy ever (seriously), and have been blowing off Eric's attempts to get together. Heard Katherine Dunn speak,sweated a lot in the heat, went to a bad rock concert. Still jobless, but applied to be a waiter at the Best Western two blocks from our house, and it looks promising. And I love America, and want to get its number.

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