Thursday, May 19, 2005

I got off the phone with Wyatt today and wondered what happened. I didn't want to go out today, especially not to galleries, but I had agreed to and I found myself asking how that happened when I got off the phone. Some people are just so good at directing you at what to do that you don't even have the option to say no or to suggest alternatives. I am not sure if this is a good or a bad technique. There is something cool about just saying, "All right, so there's just a couple openings, so we'll just go to those ones, stay for a while, and ..." as opposed to asking "Do you want to go to ...?" In the first, there is just the assumption that you will go, no asking about it, and that is the type of talker Wyatt is, and I apparently have little willpower and will go along with these types of talkers.

I told him that I was going to leave at 7:30 though to watch the season finale of The O.C. and he did very much not approve, but I resisted the guilt and the desire to please that made me almost reverse course and AM going to leave at 7:30.

I finally got around to watching Tarnation last night and it was really good just like everyone has been saying and it made me think about my own childhood, my own family - even though it was nothing like his - but just the montage of family photos has the ability to inspire these nostalgic thoughts.

Really, I feel like shit and that is why these thoughts are scattered. I have been drinking way too much, too often. Last night was my first night sober in probably a month and I am not kidding at all when I say that. I wanted tonight to be a sober night also, but that is definitely not going to happen with galleries on the agenda. Things I would talk more about if I weren't so braindead and if I didn't have to meet Wyatt to help him to do his laundry in ten minutes (why did I agree to this?) and which I may elaborate upon at some future time:

-Videology in comparison to Reel Life. Organization versus the cool quality of Reel Life, its surly employees.

-Gay childhoods as inspired by watching Tarnation

-My crush on a boy that does not seem like it is going to happen / how this fits into general crush patterns I tend to reproduce / but why I have a crush on this boy, aspects of him described in detail in an attempt to nail down that certain quality / science experiment / isolate the variables

-What I am and really, what all I am not doing with my life

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