Wednesday, May 11, 2005

it's the first time i have had a number written on paper in so long - before i had a cellphone.

I am not a big fan of locking entries and try my best not to. The only times I do are when there is information that read by another person, someone I am just meeting, might alter what form our friendship/relationship takes. And that is why that entry about Ryan was locked before I met up with him because I did not want him to find it and know I had a big, silly crush on him. And today, this one is locked is because I am going to talk about that boy Zach that I have been writing about lately, but not telling you exactly how I feel about him so as to keep my diary unlocked. But today, as you can see, it is locked, and so I am going to tell you about him without the worry that him or one of our mutual friends might read this.

Really, I have had a big, silly crush on him since the first time I met him a week or so ago when Wyatt and him were hanging out at Metropolitan and he was stoned and telling some insane story about an acid church. I knew that Wyatt liked him. Wyatt had told me so and so I knew that I could not pursue anything with this boy. But two nights ago when he had just been on a bad date and I was on whatever awkward thing that was with Ryan, both of us commiserated with each other about our evenings and how badly they had turned out or were still turning out. That evening he also told me that he had told Wyatt he wasn't interested in him and that Wyatt now hated him.

Zach makes big facial expressions when he talks and his eyes make some wide, childlike Can-you-believe-that expressions. He's from Virginia and is mildly manic and totally awesome. He came back to my house with me two nights ago to help me look for my phone and then walked me back to Metropolitan so I could look some more there. He is unbelievably nice, but not really, it is only seemingly unbelievable after dealing with the unbelievable ego of Ryan, but really probably just normal and what people should be like.

Last night at that bar again, at karaoke, I ran into Ethan whom I had told to come there a week ago and who, thankfully, was there. We talked to Zach some and I was so happy to talk to him. Just looking across the bar and seeing his goofy face makes me so happy. Talking to him, more so. Then Wyatt showed up, and yes, Wyatt does hate Zach. He talked to me in such derisive terms about Zach and was so bitchy to him when Zach came up to say hi. Wyatt even booed (not loudly) when Zach performed and tried to prevent me from cheering for him. It was really weird being conflicted between the two of them. Later on when Zach was leaving and Wyatt was out of sight, we made plans to watch Swingers tonight. I have his number written on a piece of paper and I am supposed to find a phone to call him from tonight. I am really excited, and if nothing happens, I won't care one bit because I want to be Zach's best friend because he is awesome and funny and I don't know if he's read cool books and likes cool music and I don't care one fucking bit.

Also, I sang "Bullet with Butterfly Wings." It was the only Smashing Pumpkins song they had.

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