Coming home last night after spending way too long waiting for the J train since the L train was not running, I had my headphones on and was listening to the Cranberries, Everyone is Else is Doing It..., my new favorite album of this past month, my new favorite album meaning the one from high school years that I have rediscovered and listened to all mopey and sentimental and thought about the differences into time and the lack of differences, how little has changed. And it was lightly drizzling during this walk under the train tracks along Broadway, and I stepped out from under them to be more in the fall of the drizzle. It suited the music better.
And I thought about boys. An update: There is nothing to update. I am a loser. So nothing new, really. I called Eric a few days ago, left a message, and have not heard from him. The Missed Connection boy is not aggressive enough and I am tired of emailing him back and forth and it not going anywhere, so I am not emailing him anymore.
Getting home after thinking about these thoughts, thinking about boys and loneliness and life, I saw I had a new Friendster message from Quentin and then I felt like a jerk, for thinking that boys don't like me, which is not the case, that it is just the boys I like that don't like me. There is normally always some nice boy that for whatever reason I am not attracted to, and I was braced to read another flirty email from Quentin, him telling me he liked me or something. No. This time, a request to do porn with him:
was wondering if you would like to take porn pics
with me...my friend is a great photographer...she
needs models and i thought of you...checkout her
stuff...www.brendastaudenmaier.com.great back to me
And this message just creeped me out, made me lonelier still. I wrote him back with a curt "not interested," took some Nyquil and passed out until about two this afternoon. It was amazing deep sleep.
Oh yeah, I saw Match Point last night. It was amazing. And now I have seen every Allen movie. I am tempted to go see Munich tonight since I called in sick to work and I don't feel like going to Beauty Bar. I have a friend date on Saturday afternoon to see The New World. We are going to meet in front of the Opera House. He was the one that said it was very Woody Allen. I love it when you have a friend crush, where you think a person is so awesome, so genuine and want to be closer to them, not in a sexual way (maybe that's there) - but really, just wanting to be someone's friend really bad. I think the best example I can think of is Megan Cooney. I had a friend crush on her for a long time, for some reason really wanted to be friends with her, found something really rad about her. And there is something really delicate when you hang out with these friend crushes, like you try to be your best self and it is awesome.