That fit of horniness I had a few nights ago that led to me trolling Craigslist never resulted in any action. It never does. Cruising online is a form of window shopping, enjoying the fantasy of purchasing something, trying it on, going through this elaborate tease with yourself, pretending that you might get it, and then not actually getting it - but a satisfaction somewhere in there, in the barely repressed erotics of consumerism. Something analogous happens in online cruising, the erotics of pretend - role play - are a lot more explicit though. And were you being totally honest and not under the spell of horniness, you would admit that you really had no intention of ever meeting up with these people you are writing to. That this communication, and the knowledge that this is a sexual act that could be realized is enough to get you off, and more often than not, it does - masturbating to your flirtation with this potential sex, and by masturbating and coming, removing the need and the potential of sex that fueled those masturbation fantasies.
But there was this one boy in my neighborhood, with a really gorgeous penis who responded to me the next day, and we emailed back and forth before deciding it was "too late" and agreed to try tomorrow (yesterday). When emailing yesterday, I brazenly told him to come over, giving him my address and my number, hitting send fast before my shyness could prevent me from doing so. And then for ten minutes, I fretted and got really nervous about this stranger coming over at midnight, and then I quickly emailed him back some lame excuse claiming I was going to meet up with some friends at a bar. But he just wrote me again, asking if I wanted to come over or if I wanted to meet up at Metropolitan first and see where things go. Eek!
I am so not as caution to the wind as I sometimes portray myself. I haven't seen a face pic of this boy, so really, I have no clue what he looks like. He's skinny and has a large penis and hands that I really like, but yowsers, why am I being such a wimp about meeting up with this stranger? Well, there's the easy excuse that I am not going to miss The O.C. (Marissa's slutty little sister stirs up Newport, yikes!), and afterward, I plan on dancing/getting wasted with Ben and Gabriel. So maybe another night, large penis boy.
I am in good spirits because I got paid today, and even though I fear it may be my last paycheck for awhile since my job is sort of on hiatus, it is enough to finally mail out my rent check. I didn't think it would be enough, but my job did not take out a quarterly health care premium from this paycheck like they said, and instead took out only this two week's portion. Boring stuff, but boring stuff that excited me greatly today when I opened my paycheck. Ends that I didn't think were going to be able to meet, were met, and I have lots of good music that I listened to all over town today doing these errands and I have friends I am excited to see and a cheesy teen television show on in one hour and some cans of Beast calling my name from the kitchen, from inside the fridge, saying that I am from Milwaukee and I am the Best and you will love me. And two out of three ain't bad.