Wednesday, January 11, 2006

So, yet again, I am without a cellphone and this made me terribly depressed not when I lost it, but afterward, when I was waiting for what seemed like hours for my train to arrive at Union Square, when I could no longer pat my pocket and feel my phone there, pat it and feel like I was, at least theoritically connected to my friends and to others in some definite way. Those ties seemed cut and the loneliness that I occasionally feel and normally am able to stifle came right up to the surface and I thought about so much, about my dad's death and about high school and social isolation, and about more recent events, and about even more recent events, this night's - thought about how I more than likely lost my phone while talking to some twenty year old boy who was only marginally interested in me, only in fact talking to me because his friend that he came with was making out with the friend that I came with. I was way too drunk off of vodka and rum, off of the drinks I drank during this open bar at Happy Valley, surrouned by really pretty scenesters and feeling pretty insecure while sober, and then while drunk, pretty judgemental.

Um, but yes, my phone is lost. And I cannot hold on to cellphones for more than three months to save my life. So again, I am unreachable, but there are so many things I want to do this week and I hope you will make the effort to still do these things with me. Also, if you happen to have an old T-mobile phone you want to throw my way, I have big wet kisses to give you in exchange, or you know, platonic love - whichever you prefer.

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