the sky was real beautiful today. low 60's, bright as bright can be, and just plain wonderfulness. like a nice, early spring day. i sat outside and read the paper, and then decided to try out my handstands. i didn't do so well - i somehow banged my leg super hard against one of the patio chairs as i was hurling my legs into the air. fuck! my shin hurt so fucking bad. i limped into the house making those barely audible gasps of pain, very tempted to cry if i wasn't so distracted by the burning pain that expanded out from the spot of impact to consume my whole being. i was nothing but ouchness. curled over in pain, making what was the center of my mental state, the center of my physical state. shin lifted and pressed towards my chest.
it has been far too long since i have injured myself. this pain was so consuming that while in the trance of this pain, i told myself that i was never going to do anything to put myself at risk again - that that was the last time i attempt to do a handstand or a cartwheel. that i will keep my feet firmly planted on the ground, and stay safe and not hurt myself ever again.
i rolled up the leg of my pants so that i could see if i had a bruise, and motherfucking shit, i had a huge two inch long gash on my shin, that was bloody. how the hell can you cut your skin without cutting your pants? my jeans were not ripped or torn but my leg had a huge cut. oww! most of the pain eventually subsided, i'm still sort of limping on it over an hour after it happened. but, now i want to go try handstands again. i'm sort of excited that i have this scar. it's been far too long since i have had one. my just-conceived rationale is that if you haven't had scars, bruises, or cuts in a long time - so long that you can't even remeber when except some vague memorey of yeah maybe when you were a kid, you fell off your bike - if your skin shows no sign of injury, then you have been living too boring and too careful a life - too cozy insdie. you're lazy and need to climb shit more often.
and so, i am resolving to play outside more often, since i cannot remember the last time that i took a nasty spill.
in inside news, while lying in pain on the couch, i watched the numerous news channels, and got so excited that this enron snowball is getting bigger and bigger. i am have been very pissed about this thing for a good goddamn while, and am very glad that new revelations are being made daily and that it is starting to dominate the news. ha-ha, the cookie's starting to crumble. you're going down bush. whoo! it is very sick, how much i love watching political scandal news. but whatever, to each his own.