Friday, January 11, 2002

this is why they call me lazy

i seriously just woke up ten minutes ago, and i was so excited, completely unaware that it was already three in the afternoon. i woke up on my own accord, really awake, and proud of myself that i am feeling up and ready to go before my alarm clock even goes off, which i set for ten thirty.

i lie in bed, thinking should i get up or just wait for my alarm clock to go off, it'll probably go off soon if the sun is already this bright. man, what a beautiful fucking morning. vibrant blue sky in partial view through the slits between my blinds. fuck it, why would i sit around in bed, being a lazy shit, sleeping through this beautiful day - waiting for my alarm clock to go off?

so, feeling real real proud of myself, i get out of bed, look at my alarm clock which is back by my door, and see that i have already somehow turned my alarm clock off and that it is three fucking ten. shit, what is wrong with me? how can i possibly sleep so much. i was going to wake up early today and do a bunch of isp reading. but that, as you can tell, did not happen. i am going to buckle down and start reading as soon as i finish writing this entry.

i did not fall asleep until about five last night. i watched real world reruns on mtv last night until about three. okay, i am big geek and am a real world addict - i have no shame in admitting it, and so when i was flipping through the channels and saw that they were showing real world miami, i stopped flipping through the channels in a heartbeat and settled in for some good old real world style bitch fights. they have not showed real world reruns in so long, i think they must have just started last night since the new season starts tuesday at ten. guess where i will be at that time? uh-huh, watching real motherfucking world chicago.

anyways, i watched real world for way too long before i finally forced myself to turn off the tv at threeish and go to motherfucking bed. i lie down in bed and cannot sleep to save my motherfucking life. so, i read a little bit of ulysses. and then i try going to bed again. i turn off the lights and lie in bed trying not to think, to just be a zombie. sleep. but, i could not stop thinking about shit.

first off, i started thinking about real world miami, which for some reason led me to think about florida in general and how much i am going to miss that state. why again, am i going to cold new york, if i could have stayed in relatively warm florida near the beach? then i started thinking about andrew and how much i still have a crush on him. thoughts of marky mark since i heard that he was back in sarasota. getting all giddy thinking about my crushes. and then, fuck shit, why am i going to ny - i won't even be in florida to have crushes on these people. i probably sound real lame for even thinking about these people that i will not see in forever. and then all this made me really miss sarasota - that my life will no longer be consumed by my marky mark crush, but that i also will not see so many other people that make me smile with delight by just their presence.

and then i started worrying about ny - about how i still have not found a place to live - how it's going to be cold - how i'm going to be living with niki and how we might end up strangling each other. but then i calmed down, thinking that i would also be in new york for god sakes. i'd be in close proximity to jimmy fucking fallon and that i was just needlessly worrying.

then i was remembering my interview at greenpeace. the hippy girl was reading my application, saying: okay maurice. i respond: uh, charlie, i go by charlie. and why the fuck did i say that? i am working there for two weeks, what the fuck does it matter what they call me? i feel like it made me seem real pathatic like the maestro demanding to be called the mastro in that seinfeld episode. my dad's name is also maurice, and so i've just always been called charlie, but i don't live at home anymore, is there any reason to embarrass myself and sound real petty by telling people that i want to be called charlie. i really don't fucking care what people call me, and so i think in ny, i'm not going to be a seventh grader on the first day of school telling people, "i go by charlie."

see, this is why i did not fall asleep until about five in the morning, which is probably the reason that i turned off my alarm clock without even fucking realizing it. okay, now i am off to do my isp.

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