Thursday, December 20, 2001

constructing a linear life

today, i slept until noon on an air matress in the basement curling up in my blanket, trying to stay warm. my whole extended family had left for the zoo about two hours earlier. i claimed i was feeling real sick so i wouldn't have to go to the zoo with then, and also so i could sleep in and masturbate in near privacy. and i also was feeling sick. but definitly not real sick. just slightly - my throat is still in that state of somewhat sickness; of kind of yuckiness -- i totally could have gotten out of bed and gone to the zoo but playing hooky is always fun. there are no opportunities to play hooky at college - no mom to pretend to be sick to, so i take advantage of these chances to play hookey whenever they come up.

i feel like way too often, i have started my entries off detailing what i do in the morning, moving chronologically through the rest of my day. does this mean i'm a linear thinker and boring? maybe, but maybe i also don't care.


a bit of dialogue that just occured between me and my cousin, chelsey:
-this jacket's kind of small.
-whatever. [as i try to keep typing, and ignore her]
-where did you get it?
-[should i tell the truth? yeah, okay-] rue 21.
-rue 21? that's why. i wasn't going to say anything, but it's kind of girly.
and she then mumble mumbles something about me being girly.

snl's over and so it's late-night infomercial time, and i will briefly play the salesdude role: i just brushed my teeth tonight with my relatives toothpaste that they brought. and it was so so good. it's tom's of maine children's toothpaste and it's strawberry flavored. i feel sort of weird about brushing my teeth with a toothpaste that is sweet. it seems that it should be minty flavored, but the strawberry toothpaste tastes so good, it makes me feel like i'm four or something, being naughty, and not brushing my teeth before going to bed. sugary sweet, but it prevents cavities, how cool is that shit? why didn't my parents by us this toothpaste when we were kids? i wonder if this toothpaste even existed when i was a kid. kids today [i know i sound like an eighty year old man now] have all the coolest shit. when i go to my cousin's houses, i'm amazed by how rad the latest toys and video games are.

snl was a repeat tonight, but i was stil so so excited, because it is this one with the skit where jimmy fallon is shirtless. he's shirtless in a hot tub. r. e. d. h. o. t. red motherfucking hot. jimmy fallon is so going to be boyfriend when i get to ny. wynona rider, if you're even still dating jimmy fallon (i haven't been that up on the celeb gossip - sorry e.t.), you better watch out.

last night, me and all my cousins had fun slumber party late night talk until we were touched by mister sandman. and i just listened to the most surreal conversation before i started writing this. we were all downstairs in the basement watching snl, and my bobo cousin said that mad tv was better than snl, my sister was not going to stand for this type of libel, accepted the challenge to a duel and defended snl by introducing a series of wonderfully funny analogies tailored to the teeny bopper set of my cousins to say that snl was the motherfucking shit:
-if snl were seventeen magazine, mad tv would be tiger beat. if snl were express, mad tv would be rave. [and it went on and on, with all the pop culture references your justin timberlake loving hearts could ever desire.]

i kind of want to go brush my teeth again. that tom's strawberry toothpaste is seventeen; is express; is the motherfucking shit; is jimmy redhot fallon. it is not my air mattress. my air mattress is mad tv; is tiger beat; is rave; is chris kattan. it is not my bed. oh, how i love my bed and am counting the days down until i can again curl up in it, masturbate freely in the middle of the night, stay up as late as i want reading. the only thing that i think i will slightly miss is the teeny bopper late night pillow talk. oh, and i'll miss that strawberry toothpaste, because having my bed back will mean that my relatives will have left with their cool toothpaste.

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