Thursday, November 10, 2005

At Nowhere tonight, some boy that Daniel introduced me to, smiled and made some comment about me being Drunk Spice, maybe because I was so perky and so drunk, although I was not accepting of this drunk state until after I left that bar, after I waited for the train, after I seriously considered reading aloud this Oe passage I loved to the crowed L train, after I ate a slice of pizza, after I walked home in the rain, and after I almost fell alseep talking to Bonnie on the phone about boys, that I realized and admitted to myself, Whoa, I am drunk. And surely it's because all I really ate today was the bagel I had for breakfast before leaving for work and drinking started pretty much as soon as I left work.

At the bar I went to, the long time crush - yes, there are so many -- but really not, three maybe --- Christopher, Craig, and Josh --- -- - the third, Josh, was there and this is another person that has just grown cooler since I met all these people two years ago when all of them and myself first arrived in this town. Josh is now working with Takashi Murakmai which just makes him even cooler, and he loves Oe, but whatever - I am Drunk Spice and am going to bed, dreaming about boys and wishing I did not have to go and turn off brain again tomorrow at that boring place at that boring job. I want to live, live, live and make out and play with penises and dance to old r and b. Oh my god, I cried last night at the 6th Avenue subway stop when this old black woman was singing opera and I cried again today twice at work, once while listening to Al Green, the second time while listening to Marvin Gaye. I am so emotional lately and not sad, but just emotional, and I fucking love it and probably love you. I was thinking about writing Nora and Niki tonight, the two redheaded N's whom I have cut ties with and telling them I love them, maybe I will soon. Maybe life is too much for me to handle sometimes. Good night. Great night!

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