Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Shadows and Fog

The weather is everything bad all at once. Cold air, cold rain, wind that whips your umbrella inside out. My house is without hot water for the umpteenth day in a row. I called my landlord last night and still have no clue what the hell she is doing, when this problem is going to be fixed. Tomorrow, I am going to Florida where the weather will be warmer, where, I am assuming, since it is the 21st Century in America and all, that my aunt will have steady hot water and I can take a really long shower and feel clean for the first time in a week.

I am pretty sad about my uncle's death. He was a really close relative. My dad and him were friends in Florida before they both eventually married these sisters. And both of them dead within three weeks of each other is bringing up lots of childhood memories and thoughts about life, mine, and the broader concept - mine always grounding that one. Some call that ego. I don't. But man, life, and forgiveness, and how things change when someone's not alive, everything seems pettier. God, what am I doing?

My eyes watered so many times at work yesterday. I don't know what I am doing with my life but don't really like whatever it is that is. I don't know what closeness is. I watched Shadows and Fog last night with a really bad bottle of wine, and it is definitley in my top five fave Woody Allen movies. I loved it so much, the noirish elements to it - everyone was so good in it. I want to say more but find myself unable to write, think coherent thoughts today and yesterday. Soon.

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